


tales from the notes app

by NoParkingAnyTime



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bad Poetry, Existentialism, Gen, How Do I Tag, I think?, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26999491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoParkingAnyTime/pseuds/NoParkingAnyTime
Summary: This is kind of like an archive of poems I’ve written in my notes app. I probably won’t be updating consistently.
Kudos: 5





	1. wishes

i wish to have five million eyes  
littering my dry and blemished skin  
i wish to be as long as the mississippi  
snaking lengthwise around the world

and i wish i had a mane of hair  
blanketing my ever-extending limbs  
as i reach for the abyss 

and i wish i had three mouths  
telling lies, singing hymns, and jesting with the dust bunnies of the cosmos

i wish to know all the truths of existence  
nothing escaping my understanding  
i wish to hear five heartbeats  
all pumping deep in my body

and i wish i were imperceptible  
coming and going through life as i please  
showing myself to no one

and i wish i had horns  
sitting upon my sore excuse of a head  
piercing the clouds and nebulae above

i wish to be covered in iridescent skin  
wrought with imperfections  
i wish to feel gold running in my veins  
dripping from wounds like the god’s ichor 

and i wish  
and i continue to wish  
and i wish to be free from my body  
and i wish to be disposed of my flesh

and i wish to take a new form  
free from the arbitrary aspects of life  
left to float in a vat of consciousness  
bound by nothing but the edges of my ego


	2. mirror

some days i can’t see my face in the mirror it’s like there is a haze obstructing my view i know my head is there yet i am unable to view it with my own eyes only seeing with my mind’s pre existing image of myself

on those days the inside of my mouth is filled with sore caused by the grind between my teeth and my forehead and chin are covered with dents from my finger digging in and my scalp is adorned with bumps and ridges courtesy of my skull’s imperfections

and some days i do nothing to aid myself i listen to the same song for hours at a time and let my mind meld to the melody i stare at the wall in hopes of making an image out of it i lay in my bed and watch my fan spin and spin until it feels as if i am spinning with it

on these days i do not exist rather my form is filled with someone going through the actions while i debate the complexities of my existence on these days i do not remember what i have done only knowing that the day has passed by on these days i am not here, there, nor anywhere


	3. knocking

i keep my headphones on at night  
they muffle the sounds around me  
as a light sleeper, the softest noise wakes me  
so it makes sense that the knocking does

i keep my headphones on at night  
that way i can’t hear the tapping  
it continues incessantly on my windows  
hands rapping on the glass

i keep my headphones on at night  
they prevent me from hearing the angels  
their knocking goes on without rest  
keeping me up til morn

i keep my headphones on at night  
so i can’t hear their cries  
they beg to be allowed into my room  
howling “letmeinletusinletmeinletusin”

i keep my headphones on at night  
so i don’t let the angels in  
i don’t want to hear their false statements  
about how “He” can save me

i keep my headphones on at night  
i don’t want the angels, faces covered with the whitest wings and the darkest eyes, to grab at me with their slender fingers

i keep my headphones on at night  
that way i don’t have to hear its servants  
coming in the form of angels  
created only for its worship and praise

i keep my headphones on at night  
in order to ignore the words of their “god”  
it comes in waves of angels  
speaking through its messengers 

i keep my headphones on at night  
so i can avoid its existence  
constantly attacking me with raps and taps and knocks and shouts and cries and screams and howls and songs and hymns and promises and prophesies and lies and begging and pounding and banging and shattering of the glass windows as they crawl in to take me and make me one of them, servant of “Him” for the rest of my mind numbing eternity until it eventually takes pity on me and kills me in some painless way so i may finally be free from the knocking of angels on my windows


	4. the nots

i do not worship the gods  
i acknowledge their existence  
regarding them with some semblance of respect  
but i do not worship them

i do not acknowledge the things that watch me  
ignoring them as i go about my day  
i cannot accept their existence  
because then i accept their offers

i do not watch my reflection  
i see my face in the mirror  
styling my hair and brushing my teeth  
however, i don’t watch the way the eyes move independently of mine

i do not listen to my environment   
i stuff my ears and mind with music  
feeling the bass pump through my veins  
yet i cannot listen to the whisper that assault me from all directions

i do not   
i cannot   
i will not


	5. sink

do all sinks drain slowly?  
the sink in my bathroom takes long and longer minutes to rid itself of the water in its basin  
the water with which i washed my hands with in the morning will remain in the sink for me to find when i walk in to brush my teeth in the evening

maybe it has something to do with the dark, desolate drain that sits at the bottom of the sink  
i always make sure to not look at it for too long, for if i do, i cannot look away as the small shadow beneath the stopper drags my eyes further and further into the hole  
occasionally i can feel it watching me back with the same intensity, almost as if it were waiting for prey, luring it with intriguing shadows and slow drainage 

maybe i should get drain cleaner


	6. counsel

you need not the gods for counsel  
they are nothing but reflections of human nature  
the mythos is nothing but the greed and impurity and evil of mankind encapsulated into a plethora of deities

you need not God for counsel  
He is simply a creation of humans thousands of years ago  
even if He is here, it is doubtful that he is truly all-knowing, all-seeing, and all-powerful without being malevolent 

if you need counsel, look to the mirror  
look past the divots in your skin, the feeble way your skin drapes from you cheekbones, and the dark semicircles under your eyes

look into yourself and see the vastness of the universe and how little of an effect you will have upon it  
you are but an unremarkable speck upon a canvas of beautiful galaxies, planets, and nebulae  
you have no significance in this universe

but with that insignificance comes freedom  
you are whatever you make yourself to be  
you need not depend upon god or deity of your choosing, you are your god  
the chance that anything you do will have any change on the world after a few hundred years is slim  
make the decisions that appease you, not any other higher power, whether it be man or god

do what you desire   
seek counsel from yourself


	7. forward

why must i continue going forward  
why am i unable to go back  
i do not wish to be complacent in the passage of time  
i only wish to live within the blissful past  
how i wish it would stand still


	8. key

oh to be a key on a piano  
aiding in grandiose symphonies and  
lonesome waltzes all the same  
waiting for my time to shine  
one wonderful note to add to the chorus of a concerto

oh to be a key on a piano  
finding my pace between two black keys  
watching the people around me dance and sob to my whimsical yet harrowing tune  
i see the tears streaming down their faces as they smile

and oh to be a key on a piano  
the furrowed brow of a prodigy smoothed as i ring out in tune  
let the applause rain down while i take my place next to the other keys, while i lend to the sweet, succulent étude echoing in the auditorium 

oh to be a key on a piano


	9. fishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven’t posted in a while. life just be like that

origami fish  
remarkably easy  
remarkably stubborn  
i shape them from the  
post it notes on my desk  
origami fish  
no matter how i  
flatten, press, smash  
they stick back up   
their pentagonal heads  
reaching towards the   
heavens


End file.
